I went to see the t I go to today. It was okay albeit mostly chat which makes me think it was a waste of money as I have free people to chat with, but it was not as horrible as it can get. I left her office and started feeling bad and then sank into wanting to smash myself into a wall or otherwise beaten badly -like whole body slam beaten. I did not hit anything, but the horrible feeling persists. At least when I leave knowing I am angry and frustrated it makes some sense. Here it was a waste perhaps, but I was not all enraged when I walked out the door. I still am not in a rage, just a horribleness. She was neither particularly off base nor on target today. I just feel like I both just did something very wrong even though I do not know what (and rationally know I did not) and like I am headed for doom with no reprieve. I am not describing it well. This happens every time I go to there to some extent. Somehow the feeling of wanting to get smashed is more intense when the appointment is not a complete disaster. Does this happen to anyone else?