1. Its more of a sensation than a pain - i find it 'warming' and the more i cut the more that warmth spreads and it feels comforting.

2. I self harm to release all the hurt and allow myself to heal externally through the use of cleaning and bandaging etc.

3. My self harm is a symptom of my BPD so i sort of feel compelled most of the time to do it without there being a specific reason, although when im disassociating and reflecting on the abuse ive suffered etc it can be a way of washing away past hurt by converting it into external suffering that can be treated. Arguing and confrontation also drive me to SI as a means of soothing myself.

4. I hate that its costly - ive spent so much money month after month on antispetics, bandages, implements. I also hate that with me it can get very messy and take a while to heal - all the bandage changing and wound cleaning can be pretty taxing.

I hope you find these answers insightful. Please feel free to PM if you have any more questions.