So, i don't completely relate, but I kinda do. If I'm understanding you right, you're looking for advice with handling your fetish without risk to your well being, and a sideline of advice for how to handle what's already happened?
I'm bi, and I'm an exhibitionist. I find what helps me as a safety net is my friends. I've masturbated and even had full on sex with my friends just being around. They don't even need to be watching, or even in the room or what have you (though personally when someone casually walks in and comments in the middle of something I just go crazy, good crazy). It gives me a safe place to still have my fetishes, but where I'm not at risk of being arrested or taken advantage of. Somewhere public but safe. Like bungee jumping is safe. (can expand on this with personal examples if it helps)
If it's more the feeling of being outdoors for you, you can find or arrange similar things like a person who knows where you are and what you're doing and stuff, and keep them updated if anyone comes around, who can come bail you out if you send them a blank text or something. Thought that's significantly more risky and I don't recommend it.
My two main points of advice are this 1: don't be scared of your fetishes. Acknowledge them, don't be ashamed of them, and find a safe place and safe way of exercising them. There is a lot of safe places out there for fets of all types where you can find support and freedom to explore or be yourself. Personal note: Try not to lose yourself with cheep thrills that aren't really you. I had a lot of issues with that and finding outlets for my fets.
I think that trying to ignore or 'get rid of' fets you have is akin to ex gay ministries. If it's become unhealthy, find a way to make it healthy. Don't be ashamed that it actually turns your crank though. (at the same time, don't tell everyone who doesn't need to know)
And 2: I completely agree with those above. You should seek out a T, and try and get some help sorting through what happened and why, and how to handle that. Because that's pretty big, and will likely affect you for your whole life. If you let it sit and not find a healthy way of working through it it could be a very negative affect.
Hope this helped, and feel free to PM me if there's something specific you want to say, but not on the forum. Though I'm totally cool with sharing anything (appropriate) on here.
KLove
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