So everything is going great this week as far as my emotional health is concerned. But I want to do something I know is SI. I know I feel the need to SI when things are too stressful or painful. But why must I want to do them when I am feeling very well?

It is almost like I am waiting for the bottom to drop out, so if I SI it feels like I can't be disappointed by whatever happens outside my control.
Just wondered if others had this same pattern?