The feeling is not the fear like I feel before going in. The thing is, the overwhelming sense of me being wrong or defeated tinged with faint guilt (in no specific way-there is no thought or deed I can point to and the words I listed are not quite right but the best I have) happens whether things are bad or okay. There was some minor connection I suppose. These are the only two ways I have ever left but I am coming to believe if I ever left feeling slightly more than okay or minorly connected, the repercussion crash would be unbearable. The repercussion of this minor part is bad enough.