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Estranged, you need to reach out and seek help. It isn't a good sign that you are needing to go deeper. This could mean that you need higher levels of SI for the same effect (like all addictions). I also noticed what you wrote under your status, that you are closer to suicide. Do you have a therapist?
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........
I'm an ISFJ
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