I put a trigger on my response, because it might trigger you stopdog, and I am NOT intending it.

How my t explained a trigger is when you have an out of proportionate emotional reaction to a situation that may not warrant such an extreme reaction. To me, the above quote screams it loud and clear, and I can see what you say here makes a lot of sense to how you've responded to others' posts in regards to a relationship with their T.

What about your T (all T's/humans?) is so perilous? I remember you said in one thread that you are afraid your T will mock you if you cry (i think this was you!). No T, much less a non-sociopathic human being would mock someone for crying. When I can't agree with statements like these in regards to myself, I try to put myself out of the situation. If you were listening to a friend/sig other talk about whatever and they started crying would you sit there and mock them?

Anyway--what I quoted concerns me greatly. You would rather endure physical pain to avoid a connection with someone. TO me I hear GREAT pain from the past. I have no idea what your past is like, but if forming an attachment with your family members was dangerous (ie: abused/beaten), then it makes perfect sense that you would avoid that at all costs as an adult. These things that happen to us in childhood hold such a powerful impact on us as adults, and it may not even be horrible, awful things (it wasn't for me). But these "traumas" (i hate that word!) get frozen inside you and keep you stuck in feeling whatever you felt as a child in relation to the trauma. And you WILL keep re-living it until you can get that "unstuck."

I hope I am not overstepping my bounds in what I am saying, but I see a person in so much pain that you have completely turned off ANY feeling even closely related to feeling emotionally vulnerable to somebody. And in therapy, the T usually gets the brunt of how you react in the outside world. Does your T know any of these reactions you have?

why did you start therapy in the first place? Was it a specific goal(s) in mind? I generally am curious and really want to see you feel better.