I have read about something called the madonna-***** complex and I am worried that I have something similar to this. The madonna-***** complex according to wiki: 'develops in the human male when he sees all women not as individuals, but as either saintly Madonnas or debased prostitute-like personalities. This dichotomy limits women's sexual expression because it offers two mutually exclusive ways to construct a sexual identity. The duality implies that women must assume subservient roles, either as madonnas to be protected or as *****s to be punished by men'. To be honest this isn't quite how I feel. I don't see women as *****s but I do idolise them as madonnas. I see them as goddess-like creatures. I have a fetish for bondage but I admire women so much that I feel that I am dehumanising (is that the right word?) them by doing having these feelings and I don't want to do that to them. This has led to major problems with me sexually both mentally and physically.

I think that fundamentally I don't want to hurt them at all and I am terrified of getting intimate with them in case I do.

I can remember when I was in my teenage years looking on a bondage forum. I can remember some guy saying that he hoped women got raped and tortured and that he was aroused by women being bound, gagged, raped, tortured, having their toes, fingers and nipples severed and the mutilation of their breasts. This really scared me very much and has done ever since. It reinforced my belief that in relationships my role is to protect them above all else.