((((((JustDontAsk)))))

I am really impressed with your ability to express your concerns. I read your other thread as you suggested and you really did a good job expressing yourself. I give you an A for that.

You know, all people WANT to have the right family picture. And that is something that I honestly think we are designed to do for our survival. So when the family is fractured through a divorce or loss of a parent, the children really DO feel a sense of loss and often they can't exactly pin point WHY.

I personally respect your desire to know the facts about your parents. Your an A student and that is because you like to learn and know the WHYS, there is nothing wrong with that. And I think that your recognition of the sports being something that grounds you and is very healthy is also very mature thinking.

And when you talk about the age where you started to wonder what didn't work out with you parents, well, that is the age when boys and girls start to think about relationships. So, it is only normal that you wonder what went wrong with your parents. I consider that a very intelligent question. I disagree with "that is none of your business" sentiment. Is it in the past? Yes, but it IS a part of your life and your inner family dimension. I totally understand that you simply want to know the truth and it is not so much WHO is to blame, perhaps you just wanted the WHYS. I also think that your spot on about your father's honesty, because, as you say, your more like him and the discussion you had with him, in my opinion showed his honesty. And I like how your dad talked about things he failed to do and that he talked about his part of the reason. I liked it because he gave you the WHY you could learn from and think about when it comes to your having your own relationship someday.

In my opinion, I would have to agree with you about your mother's reaction to the question and her blaming everything on your father. I can't blame you for being concerned about her not mentioning the cheating and your feeling her NOT being totally honest with you.

Your concern about being the middle man in their interactions is correct, they should NOT have you assume THAT role, that is inconsiderate and imature of them. I honestly can blame you for being upset about that YOUR INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO KNOW ITS WRONG.

Your feelings about your mother favoring your brother are probably correct, if you take after your father, she may unknowingly be pushing you away for that reason. I find it interesting that she has YOU do more chores than your brother as well, almost like making up for what your father didn't do which would go right along with his version of the WHY for the breakup. But I don't think that your mother is really AWARE of how she is treating you different. However I think your senses are correct. But you have to think about the WHYS that I am saying here and the important WHY is something your mother is not REALLY AWARE she is doing. You can't help it if you take after your father, after all, you have HIS genetics in you. And the space that puts between you and your mother IS NOT YOUR FAULT EITHER.

Is your mother ever going to come out and admit she cheated on your father? Probably not and there is probably some guilt in that and people tend to express anger and resentment if they harbor some guilt. I think that you RESPECT your father more than your mother, and that is from their actions and interactions with you, that is NOT your fault or anything your doing wrong. People, even parents, have to earn respect, respect is not just handed out, not the kind of respect your feeling.

Choose? Well, if you respect your father more than your mother, it IS your choice, and you don't have to feel guilty about it. However, all of us want to respect both of our parents equally, unfortuanately that is not always the way it ends up. What your addressing is your trying to find the truth, that is really all you want, just like in your studies at school, you like the facts and you do very well with the facts.

JustDontAsk?, I see why you picked that name. However human beings are born to ask. We all start by asking "What's that?" around age two and then at age three we begin to ask "WHY". As long as we live we continue to ask those questions, we are designed to ask those questions because that is how we ended up surviving and knowing so much, however we have more to ask, and many more WHYS to answer.
Think about it as the whole picture of how far we have come in our technology and ability to live longer lives.

You're at a point in your life where you are beginning to learn that not ALL people are totally honest. It doesn't mean that your to blame if someone lies to you. It is normal to feel uncomfortable when you feel someone is NOT being honest. There is nothing wrong with respecting someone more because you feel they are being more honest with you. You can still love both your parents and yet prefer one to the other as far as getting along with one better than the other etc. No one says you have to be what your mother wants, like being a musician. YOU have to be what YOU want, and this is the time you start making these decisions.

You have the right to speak up and tell your parents that your not going to be in the middle of their interactions with each other. If you accept that role it will only become expected so you might as well state that you will NOT do this.

Your correct about doing your best to get back into your studies and sports and look forward to YOUR future. I think that your very smart and consciencious, you have the right to ASK QUESTIONS. Some quesitons that you ask of others may not get the answers you want. Yes, people are not always honest about themselves, some things they just want to keep to themselves and you have to find a way to respect that for what it is. It is all a part of growing up, thats all.

((((Hugs))))

Open Eyes