It's been a year since I've felt this bad. I don't want to get up in the mornings any more. I don't want to live any more. I'm so tired of feeling all this pain...it won't go away even with the meds I take day after day. I want to cry all the time and can't shed them... I gasp because I stop breathing and don't even know it. I dream of my dead parents and hate that I wake up. Even my sons up coming wedding has me down. I don't want to go. I'm afraid. I'm always afraid of being embarrassed, made fun of, or ruining something. I just don't want to be here anymore. I'm afraid of what I might do....