Being lied to hurts so much more than the truth. I just can't make my mom see that, no matter what I do or what I try. I always end up wrong in the end, so after a while, I just gave up trying to talk to her about my thoughts. I don't need someone rejecting my opinion...

My dad did do a really good job being honest with me. He always used to say that he wouldn't tell me until I was older, but I talked him into it one night. Thankfully all it took was one chance...Anyway, I don't think I wrote of my relationship with my dad before he told me everything...mainly because we really didn't have one. It's not like I didn't like him, but he wasn't my best friend either. He was just my dad...and ever since he told me the truth, things with him have improved. I feel as if I can go and talk to him about some things, but I can't talk to him about going to the doctor because I may have some issues that need to be addressed.

The only thing with my mom and brother is that he doesn't have any issues with her. He tends to defend her though...and I don't. Not at all. I don't want much to do with her until she comes clean...and I don't think she will either. I've given her plenty of chances...Some of this could be my fault too though. I tend to push her away, not give her a chance to make things up to me. But I guess in my eyes, the only way to make things up to me is to tell me the truth. It shouldn't be that hard to do. At least I don't think so. I let someone know when I screw up...it's not to this degree, but still...I don't know I guess that is just what I think, not like that matters to anyone much.

I do what I want to do with my life right now...I'm 16, I will never get today back, I never get yesterday back...I don't get a redo. Nobody does. So I want to live my life how I want to. My mom just doesn't agree with my interests, and that tends to cause a lack of support for me. My brother, on the other hand, plays music, so she tends to support what he does a lot more. My mom very rarely shows up to my away games, anything out of 45 minutes of travel time is a no-go...but my dad is always there, especially so that if I get hurt, he is there to help me. And that happens to me quite a bit, I can get pretty beat up sometimes.

The other thing I have to consider with my mom is the fact that her parents did not allow her to play sports during her childhood. At least she allows me to play. But that doesn't mean she likes it or supports it 100% all the time. The fact that she does not have a sports background could also be the reason she pushed me towards music...I still don't think that makes it right for her to try to tell me how to live...Maybe I'm wrong for feeling that way...I don't know...

My grades and possibly my sports are the only way I'm going to get a long way away from all of this...all I want right now is to get away. I need a break...10 years of this is finally getting to me...I guess I should have seen it coming.

And I just want to know that what I'm feeling is okay...and what is wrong with me. I know I need professional help to find that out...I just don't have the strength to reach out to someone and ask for it right now...that is most definitely out of my comfort zone...I guess I have to do something about it...with school and sports tonight (practiced for 4 straight hours), I'm having issues finding time to take care of myself...that should be the first priority probably...but life goes on no matter how I'm feeling or what I'm feeling, so I guess I'm just going to put those to the side right now...Not ideal, but I have to do what I have to do I guess...

Thank you to everyone who has posted, you have no idea how much I appreciate all of the support, ideas and opinions. It's difficult to see some things or think of some things when you're in the situation...And having others' opinions helps me hear something other than my own voice. Thanks again