I'm panicing. I don't want to take any of my meds incase I get too sleepy. I am SO scared of going to bed tonite. I am used to having terrible dreams which include ppl and situations that I know and am either dealing with or have had to deal with but last nite in particular it was worse than ever. It's not being helped by a cough I can't shake, which I am now thinking is stress-asthma (I only suffer from asthma probs about 1x a year usually). I have never had a proper asthma attack but last nite I spent most of the 6 hours I was in bed coughing, and when I did doze I had these awful nightmares. With my mood going lower and lower I keep thinking I mite be commited to hospital (I have never had to be yet), but when I saw my pdoc on monday my biggest fear then was that she might suggest another course of ECT. She did list that as an option and I think that now she has openly said that it may be an option now my mind is going to the next worst-case senario. In the dreams I was forced to stay in the wawrd but I kept escaping. The 1st time no-one really cared but the 2nd time I was punished- I had a 24hr watch and I can't remember the rest. There was so much more going on as well, like being at the grocery store while I was meant to be under the 24hr watch and losing the 'guard', walking down unlit streets at nite when I escaped just searching for what seemed 'right'- I don't even know what that is, maybe an answer to this all?? I am so confused (duh, as if reading this isn't obvious enuf!) and I am just tooscared to go back to bed and face another nite of horrible...nightmares- I mean, they are not really dreams are they? I had another coughing fit this afternoon, which lasted 1 1/2hrs, and then as I started to write this it started again. That's why I'm thinking stress related, especially the more panicy I get. My head is total confusion and mayhem at the mo. I can't think clearly- all I can think about is how am I going to get through the next 11 hours until I have to get no2 ready for daycare? I can't afford to keep losing sleep- that is making things worse and I am having trouble getting through the day becoz I am so tired. Even worse the house is a total tip, altho while typing that it will give me something to do while I contemplate NOT going to bed. I don't know. I just needed to get all that out of my head. It won't help me either if I keep avoid taking my meds- that will mess me up even worse. Argggggghhhhhhhhhh.....