hey, justdontask - okay, i've now read this thread as well as your other one. you talk a lot about your relationships with your parents. aside from your coach, i do not hear you discussing relationships with others and that part of your life seems to be missing, e.g., no gf. granted, you are young to be in a serious relationship but i am hearing no mention of friends. and that has me concerned.

i am sorry that your parents do not get along and that the divorce has affected your relationship with them. i wish you were more concerned with relationships with others; instead, your concern seems to be getting along with your parents and their bitter divorce. let me say this: YOUR LIFE is the most important thing here.

your mom seems to favor your brother and gives you a lot of chores. it's normal for a parent to have favorite children but it can also be harmful to the non-favorite children. i am concerned about all the chores your mom assigns you and her lack of interest in your life. and, i am very concerned that the emotional focus of your life is on getting along with your parents and acting as the communication middleman because they don't get along.

i think you should seek counseling. seriously. you need to focus your life on YOU, not on getting along with your folks. i'd like to hear how you're getting along with peers, if you have interest in a specific career or two, if you are dating (and, if not, why) and, other than competitive sports, what you do for fun with friends.

i think you might be better off living with dad. screw the courts. do what is best for you because you are at a key moment in your life and the troubling patterns here could affect you for years afterwards if things are not worked out. you should be focusing on things other than your relationship with your parents. it appears you are not receiving the attention and nuturing needed from your mom. in that relationship, you are going through the motions and doing the chores but the emotional connect is not there. and that has to hurt a lot. a therapist could help you here.

i had a friend who was devastated when his parents were divorced. (he was young and they didn't tell him what was going on until it happened.) it haunted him for years and affected his relationships with others and with them for being left out. i listened but frankly did not really understand his fixation on that topic but it affected his relationships and, to him, seemed more important than his own life. i would not like you to repeat a similar pattern. likewise, when i was a teen, my father died and my mom was overwhelmed. (frankly, she had been a problem long before he died.) i tried to be the fixer except i was not her favorite and whenever something went wrong, i was the one who it was taken out on. of course, i needed my mom for nuturing but it was not there and it hurt me for many many years.

similarly, i don't see you getting what you need emotionally from your mom. you try to get your needs met by not giving her problems (by trying to be perfect at school with your grades) and by doing the numerous chores she assigns you. you come through on your side but, for some reason, she cannnot and your resentment and disappointment with her shows. she may see her ex-husband in you BUT you are not her ex, you are her son. she may be the one who really needs the counseling but won't go. and, that's why you have to. you have to take care of yourself. it's the only way your needs will be met and you need to stave off the damage now before it really harms your life. it's very heavy, i know. you may not understand fully what can happen here - you're only 16. but from my experiences in life, i must strongly recommend that you please get counseling NOW. Please do it.

A good counselor will help you put things into perspective because what's going on with your parents and in your head is overwhelming. I am concerned that it's so overwhelming it might be contributing to your sports injuries. And, more importantly, to your falling grades and lack of interest in your life. Your mom is not taking enough interest in your life and you are so hurt by this that you are also losing interest in your life too. And, those feelings are misleading and taking you on the wrong path. If she cannot take enough interest or treat you properly then that is HER problem. Please don't make it yours. Please seek counseling.