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I will say sorry now if I have offended or upset anyone by this.
Sorry if I have disappointed anyone on here who I have already spoken to but this is the truth behind what I really feel and I don’t want to. There may still be hope that I can change from this.
What I think isn’t right or a respectable way to think as many of you will either be hurt by what I write or completely disagree with me.
By the way I over generalize and don’t fully think about what I say and do sometimes, but I really need to get this out.
I completely hate myself and think I am a disgusting and horrible person who doesn’t deserve to live. I also think I will always be in someone’s way annoying them or upsetting them even if this is just a person I don’t know well and just use to work in same store as. No matter where I am in life I feel wrong for being there and like I will infect people in some way emotionally and that things would have gone better if I was just cut out and not there. This is why I don’t bother in life most of the time because I don’t know how not to be like this and be better at being around people. I couldn’t even cope at my last job I just broke into tears more than once in a day and acted awful towards other people there who always gave me a chance and understood me but I couldn’t be what they wanted me to be and give them something back for all they done for me. This is why I just had to leave there I really upset and hurt some caring people without really realizing or able to change for them and myself.
The feelings I have come from the fact I was hit by a car when I was 13. Honestly I didn’t check back before crossing, I was crossing with lollipop lady and took my eyes of road for a second and assumed oncoming had traffic stop as there was a gap in time well you guess the rest.
I only had a fractured leg and few scratches from this. I still do not really know how lucky I am to be alive. I am also sure I am have destroyed the person who was driving the car life they don’t speak about it or recall it when we both had to give evidence I never seen the person but both of us had to say what happen to police at the time of accident, things never taken any further.
I am now 19 (I live in UK) and have not done anything with my life and I feel so horrible but at the same time I don’t want to have to deal with other people for fear of hurting them in some way and believing I am not a right type of person who is no good to no one.All I want to do is just have a job that pays bills and I can be left alone and let others have their life’s the way they want to but I can’t even do this simple thing and get out of everyone’s way.
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