" i slept for 16 hours a couple of days ago, i can't eat and im having suicidal and self harm ideation near constantly"
Please don't hurt yourself physically!! We do enough of that mentally! Stay strong in your efforts to get help. I have just found a counselor/therapist after a year of searching here. I live in a smaller city surrounded by small cities. I lived in Bourne, Lincolnshire briefly. It was like this here. Small villages surrounded by small villages. Is it like that there? Can you get help in a larger city nearby?
And, if you are in immediate danger, you do have a place to go, don't you? An ER? Call a crisis phone number? A friend?
I struggle with thoughts about my 'Mum' not caring either. It is often hard to differentiate between the BPD thought process and the reality of what is really going on. I hope you are considering that as you process the connection between one another. As for me, it has been confirmed by others (including a therapist in the past) that it is true. I truly hope this isn't the case for you. But, if it is, I hope that you continue to move forward towards the help you need. Keeping in touch here with this site is a great idea!!
The book Forgive77 suggested ('Get Me Out of Here') is great! I was so engrossed that I read it in less than two days. 'I Hate You-don't leave me" is another good book to read. It is about understanding BPD.
I do hope you find the strength to carry on. Have you considered and hobbies to help distract you and relax you during these efforts?