(((Mindinpieces)))

You're certainly struggling ~ that much is true. Have you gone to a therapist to talk about things before?

I'd recommend going to a t. Talk about these emotions you're fighting with; how you have a habit of pushing people away (before they see the "real you"); intense self-hate; etc.

It can take awhile to build up self-acceptance, but it can be done. I'm working on building mine as well. So, I can relate to your post. Best wishes to you ~ you deserve it!