Stopdog, there is NO SUCH THING as "not really bad" CSA/beatings. It IS abuse and it is clear that is why you have such an extreme reaction to humiliation now-it (unconsciously) reminds you of your childhood. Your T is right, but you have to see this for yourself and i truly hope that you can see with new eyes that you never deserved to be treated that way and you deserve now to be happy. We are here for you!