Quick backround information as to why I am so depressed:
I have been suffering from depression since I was 11. My parents have been divorced since I was two years old. I literally have no memories of them being together. When I was seven years old, my dad married someone. I hate her. I act like I love her because I'm terrified of her and I feel like I have to. She says **** about my mom in front of me. For example: "____ is so mentally unstable, no wonder why you're so messed up" "_____ is a horrible mom, she deserves to be locked up" "I think we should just bomb her house and get her pitiful life over with"

I try to stand up for my mom, but then my step mom turns it against me calling me useless, everything's my fault, lazy, I'll never get married. She tells me I'm going to wind up alone just like my mom. She is never satisfied with anything I do. She'll watch me in the kitchen when I'm cleaning up after dinner and waits for every little mistake I make, and calls me useless, clueless, i have no common sense... etc. She makes fun of my brother too because of his ADD and how he struggles with school, calling him stupid, an idiot, etc.

My dad just sits there like a coward and doesn't say anything. He just lets her talk to us like that! My step mom sends an abusive email to my mom at least every two weeks. She's told my dad right when I'm in the room how she wants to kill my mom. She can't go one day without saying something about her. and it hurts me so much. I've left the room crying and she still shows ZERO sympathy for my feelings.

My mom knows how much I've been hurting, so she's taken me to a therapist. My dad doesn't know about it. I'm afraid he's going to find out. I don't know what'll happen when he does but I'm absolutely terrified. My mom is telling all these proffesionals about me and how I've been cutting. And I just wish that day when my mom touched my arm I was wearing a long sleeve. I feel like I have no privacy. I just want to be alone and I want to kill myself. I'm so sick of all this ********! Nobody is going to miss me when I'm gone. I promised my mom I would stop cutting, but there's a lot of bad stuff that's happening to me right now and I just want to so bad