I couldn't face seeing my t tonight, so I cancelled again. I did agree to talk to him on the phone and I'm freekink out. I have about 30 mind before I have to call. I don't know what to say or tell him. Ive tried to trust I just don't know if I can let the wall down and actually tell him the things that are hurting me the most. I'm afraid that all he'll try to do is try to talk me into going to a hospital. That would ruin me and if I'm meant to have a future, it would ruin that.