I want you to know that I think that you are amazing! And strong!
What you put out there on your post about your thoughts are actually a very serious deep issue. I constantly say things like that in my head. Even years later, I will still blurt out loud things like that from things that happened years before...when I am alone. You were brave enough to state those thoughts were others can hear them. I lived in the dark with these things. Key thing though...how do we really stop doing it. It is such a natural response for me to make now. When I say them, I try to tell myself (out loud) things like '"Stop. You are wise." But, the old thought processes still wins. I've struggled with it for years, but I keep trying.