hi, justdontask - in response to your question, no, i do not believe you are stupid - not at all! i believe that you are very smart. i see a streak of perfectionism that may be a response to your parents' divorce and find that troubling. no one is perfect or should believe they have to be. i'd like to see you recognize your humanness. i hear how disappointed you are with your mom when discussing the divorce because she fails to acknowledge any fault on her part. and, i see you repeating that behavior. i sense you would like your mom to come clean and say the divorce was partially both of their faults. you don't seem to like this behavior on her part but, whether you know it or not, you seem to be repeating it. please, if i'm wrong, call me out on it.

in my last job, i worked with a woman attorney who had to do everything perfectly. yet, for all of her perfection, she did not seem happy because, in truth, she was human and she wasn't perfect. and she fought her natural human tendency to error so much that she was actually mean to her subordinates and treated them as inferior. her "tiger mom" management style made her a terrible boss. in short, her perfectionism was, in fact, a flaw.

it's important to learn to deal with your problems, and to laugh at your small mistakes. you are upset that you are getting 95's on your exams instead of the usual 99's. you are afraid that by meeting with a counselor that her opinion of you will change and that you will be seen as a mess when, in fact, the issues you are facing are perfectly normal. and it's perfectly normal to ask for help with them. sometimes, it helps just to talk about them and get them off your chest so that you can breathe easier. and it also helps to bond with others even if it means discussing your problems. a lot of students perhaps don't like someone who is so perfect that they have no problems. i think it's also a problem to keep your feelings bottled up. you are human like everyone else. please don't choose the "go it alone" route.

lastly, your mom's failure to admit her errors scars her relationship with you. i am concerned about your relationship with you; and don't want you to repeat your mom's less than healthy behavior. i don't want you to grow up disliking yourself because you have problems. and, i don't want you to believe that these problems make you flawed. they do not. please see a counselor. please learn to feel comfortable with having some problems and learn how to manage them. please learn how to discuss your problems without feelings of guilt. this is a very important part - an essential part - of learning how to be an adult and, later on, a good parent. having these problems is an opportunity to mature as a person, not a flaw.

a good intro line with a counselor is key to opening up. so here's a suggestion or two: (two counselor) can we talk sometime? lately, i'm feeling some more stress than usual. OR i need to talk with someone of how my parents' divorce is affecting me, do you have a few minutes. suggestion: keep the tone casual so that both you and the counselor feel relaxed.

i wish you all the best.