I see a lot of myself in you, and I have BiPolar I. The ups and downs, the mood swings. I also suffer from depression so that might be something to think about since you said you have trouble getting out of bed and seem to spend a lot of time on the internet. I too have to force myself out of bed in the morning and give myself a pep talk to get motivated to get moving.
You seem to worry a lot about being "put away". Even if you did tell a therapist everything you have shared here, they're not going to hospitalize you unless you are actively threatening suicide or raging psychotic. I have told my therapist similar things to what you've shared, and much worse, and the only times I've been hospitalized are when I've attempted suicide (all in the past thank God).
You need to be talking with a therapist - so many things on your mind!! So hard to keep them all inside. No wonder you're in pain, wondering what's going on. Try the therapy route again. I went through a lot of therapists before I found the saint I'm seeing now. He is wonderful and I've made much progress with him (off alcohol, stopped cutting, stopped shoplifting, etc) Life is mostly good, with some occasional dips into depression here and there.
You also need to be back on meds. Mine were very expensive too. My psychiatrist worked with me to find the cheapest ones that worked, and now my mood is stable for the most part, plus no more bipolar psychosis.
Hope this helped. Feel free to PM me if you'd like. Good luck