yeah, i was raised religious too. yes, i believed in my youth of the "tests" of faith and reward of the afterlife. i became very discouraged with these beliefs as i grew older because my life as a closeted, celibate gay man was just impossible and lead to severe depression and loneliness. in short, i did not have a life and did not look forward to more of this in the afterlife. i would never marry and spend eternity alone. and, the promise of a happy sex life in heaven seemed implausible because sex is of the body and when you're dead, well, you don't have a physical body, so how could one possible have - much less enjoy sex - in heaven? in fact, the concept of heaven was so nebulous - it was unclear what one would do upon arrival there. finally, i brushed the whole thing off as implausible. it really makes no sense. (and, i am sorry to say this because the thought / concept of heaven is really very nice.)

i don't really mean to diss your family nor your faith. faith is a nice thing to have if it works for you. perhaps you can find some middle ground that bridges both the gay and muslim worlds. (frankly, i've tried to do that with my religion with so-so results. but, you are not me and your case may be different.) here are some links for you:

http://www.alternet.org/story/12817



http://www.al-bab.com/arab/background/gay.htm

http://www.queerty.com/so-this-gay-m...lims-20110226/

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn...062301417.html

all the best to you!