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lvs, have you considered a 12 step program to offer you support? the initial phase of abstinence is this most difficut to get thru but it certainly can be done. i went to AA and it really helped. i wish you well.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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