I don't think there is an easy answer to that - I sometimes think of a computer analogy and default settings. If my hardware was set at low self esteem, low self confidence etc...then my hardware needs to be changed for a permanent long term change to be sustained and I am just not sure if that is possible.

I also think that we could surround ourselves with people saying great things to us and showing us love, but unless we are open to that, it is not going to change how we feel about ourselves. So yes we have to have experiences, but we also need to make sure we are willing to accept those experiences as valid and also become robust enough to take the knocks in life that are inevitable for all of us.