In someways you sound a little like me... Although, at the moment I'm burnt out on dating..

I wonder if you having sex right away with someone is telling you or confirming for you that they like you and a relationship is possible? That is very much me. If I have sex right away with someone it confirms for me that they like me and want to see me again, and if they don't they must not be interested in me. It's irrational thinking. What is often the case it just turns out to be a one night stand.

So I think you want a relationship, but also bpd may be interferring with ur perception or logic.