I haven't replied because I feel ashamed of that part. Then I think of my T telling me to accept all of my parts and to be curious about them.

Perna: Thank you! I have to read and reread your post so I can take it in. I haven't made clear how my mood just plummeted all because my thread "disappeared". It's not about my feelings disappearing I don't think. It's more about keeping my experience real, needing others to notice me. It's about erroneously believing others don't see me anymore. It's about needing to have others say "yes, I understand how that was for you."

The trouble is, only my T and I were there, so how can anyone else understand? I want to write it so others can picture it the same as I can. I'm a writer but your'e right, I always wanted to be an actress! I so much identified with Sally Field when she said in her acceptance speech years ago "You like me. You really like me!" I'm getting goose bumps thinking about that. I think I cried when she said that.

I'm glad you think it's "not a bad thing to post so much". It's a compulsion for me but I need to keep getting my fix, either by helping others or helping myself. I don't want people to think I'm selfish.

I have to go somewhere so will continue later.