Allright this is the 3rd time i keep typing this out and i get logged out and it gets lost so.I'm throwing this out there to give hope.Ive had major depression for 24 years straight.Im bipolar 1 ultra rapid cycling at times.6o seconds mania where i was about to drive ANYWHERE.Then 60secs hate/rage then 60secs love with tears then 60 secs sad depression with tears.Then i repeated that 4 min "set" 2 more times-so 12 x in 12 mins.Thats the worst and usually its just back in forth in a day.Other times ive been stuck in mania for months.Technically ive been either major depression or mixed episode when the mania kicks on since the depression never leaves.Ive gone 4 days without food water or sleep and had my blood starting to clot.Which leads to visual and auditory hallucinations and psychotic delusions.Ive slept for more then 24 hours straight.Paced madly for hours.Had my whole brain entrained to misery and throbbing with it and wanting to die.Running through every nerve system in my body until every cell in my body is DONE with life.Ive had waves of electrical type energy start from the back of my head and roll over my entire body ion the surface of my skin.I can induce it at will and ive had it deeper in my nervous system.I told my family members not too long ago-I;m almost done-i cant take it anymore.They dont understand what its taken to get this far and why the love of family isnt enough for me to go on.
I went online and read on a bunch of bp forums and even back over old threads.I saw 1 or 2 posts where someone said they cured themselves with vitamins supplements etc.I knew this was for me and i started reading up online.
I had alkready been using music around the clock to try and make myself feel better,even when i slept and it was working a little.I started taking amino acids essentials and then non essentials.That literally made a 50% reduction in my depression OVERNIGHT! I woke up it was like a miracle.I ended up taking alot more things 5htp-niacin-b12 complex-onositol-SAMe-thenanine-st johns wort-mega vitamins-vit c--gingko biloba-antioxidants-essential oils 3-6-9 with fatty acids-primrose oil and probiotics and some other stuff i cant remember off the top of my head.This mad another huge difference overngiht my mania and rapid cycling virtually disappearing!I felt serotonin in my brain in the first time since forever!
You have to push and fight for it mentally and keep it going.Its very easy for your brain to quickly go back to depression because its so familiar.I had 3 really good days and the 4th day was golden even my low level paranoia was gone! Unfortunately i was woken up the next day to an unnecessary arguement and it knocked me down but im gonna keep fighting until i win.
As my depression went down i noticed i started yawning and stretching hard and making noise.Wow i couldnt even remember doing that and had forgotten i did it until it it happened!.I eat healthy but before the aminos i would still crave a spoon full of sugar here and there even tho i hate sugar and dont drink soda or eat candy.When i was at my worst my sugar craving was high.When i started the aminos it dropped to just a little syrup on waffles or jelly on a sandwhich.When i added the rest of my vitamins oils etc even that dropped off.I felt my adrenal glands relaxing for the first time and stress hormones definitely went way down.When i wake up it takes me a few mins to get FULLY awake instead of just waking up with severe depression it seems looking back i never woke up fully.I dont get starving now and i eat because its time or im just barely hungry.This is NOT some mania induced euphoria-I am more NORMAL then ive ever been in a long time.My mania was way down and even when it was on i was able to go right to sleep.Some of what im taking especially aminos CANNOT be taken at the same time as meds due to serotonin syndrome poisoning.I wasnt on meds and im free to take what i felt i wanted to.Whatever works for everyone else,You have to fight in a positive direction mentally.There is nothing in my life that i can be more happy for-and yet im doing it!Everytime i get knocked down im gonna get up and keep going-it gets easier!