Hey lady,

I have faced a similar conundrum (as you may remember), and the only advice I can give is from my own experiences and perspective. I don't think that you should stop seeing your therapist. I avoided therapy two weeks after I wrote my post in hopes that either I would stop needing him (the psychologist) as much or that the attraction to the man would fade. Neither of these came to be. And during my first session back we made another breakthrough -- all while I was painfully aware that we were within 6 inches of touching.

I think that at times therapy is supposed to show us what we can have, what we should have. I view your attraction to him as a positive thing, though I know that it is excruciating. You deserve to have someone completely invested in you and your well being. I of course have no idea what your home life is like, but I know that when I was struggling with my significant other, my feelings toward my therapist gave me hope for myself. I knew that despite my boyfriend's emotional attacks, guilt sprees, etc, if our relationship were to end, I would still be capable of loving another person. And of loving myself, to a shakier extent.

I don't think that you should stop seeing your therapist because I know that for me, I needed that possibility. I needed to remember what feelings I was capable of -- that I wasn't simply my depression or anxiety or rage, but capable of attraction, attachment, and love. I also thought that perhaps my attraction to my therapist was hindering my making up with my significant other, but when I was truly honest with myself, I knew the difference between the hopes/wishes i had for my therapist and the reality of the relationship I was in. And I chose to be loyal to myself. I continued working on my relationship but I didn't throw myself into it, was not willing to hurt myself over it. And my therapist was pleased with my decision (though we still haven't talked about how deeply attracted to him I am. Sigh. Something for next week, I suppose ) Transference/attraction is painful, but it showed me a part of myself I had almost forgot existed. It is so easy to be subsumed in relationships...but my attraction my therapist feels like coming up for air.

Have you told your therapist about your feelings? Does your spouse know what you're going through? I hope this helps in some way. Know that I feel for you and wish the best for you.