hope i'm not out of line in saying this (which means I already am, right?) but when you (rain8) responded to granite's post yeaterday about her t calling again, and you said, "NOW do you believe she cares for you?" - I thought a) umm, that's not really supportive, is it? it's like you're telling granite how to feel b) but rain would not be UNsupportive on purpose, so c) maybe that question is really rain's issue. Because it just sounded "off" a little, ya know? Like a grammar mistake or something. Anyway, so you ARE saying here, with the Sally Field quote, that it IS your issue - you're not sure if mommy liked you? Because yesterday T was surely representing granite's mommy. So NOW do you believe she cares for you? SOMETHING inside you says, no. I truly wonder why, why it's so elusive. Well, you talk about the Trudy whatsername books. The thing that struck me about those, and I have read them all, no surprise, eh? is that the child always wants to return to the mother, no matter how badly he's been neglected or abused. always.

that's why I chose my particular T. his mother died when he was six. I read this in a local magazine before I started with him, in an interview of several T's. He was described as a "hail fellow well-met". I wondered how a person who had suffered such a tragedy could go on to live a happy, successful life. I also needed him to tell me that he would NOT have traded mothers with me, my situation for his; to tell me that my pain was valid. I'm still not sure what your magic question is.