lolacabana - its never fun when a therapist feels they need to set some boundaries. Sometimes the boundary setting isnt totally about you. I am an integrated person with dissociative disorders. what that means is I used to have DID where I had alternate personalities. when my therapist discovered I had this, one of the first things she did was set some firm boundaries for what was going to happen in therapy and in regards to hers and my relationship. The session after she and the psychiatrist told me I had DID, I got the heck scared out of me..

I walked in to her office and sat down. she looked me in the eye and said "we need to talk" then she said there was going to be no mothering, coddling, sugar coating, nor expectations that she will tell me such mushy things like I love you, I like you, I will take care of everything. we have a business relationship, not a family or friendship relationship. I had no idea where this firm talking to had come from, so I freaked. I went to the next session with her totally reserved and on eggshells. finally during the session I started crying and asked her what I did wrong. I told her how I had reacted to her "talking to" she gave me.

her reaction and reply - she smiled and said she was glad her "talking to" had affected me, because that showed I didn't turn her out, I had listened to every hard word she had said. Then she told me some mental disorders and other problems they may have sometimes cause the client to feel, think and do some things that can never happen in therapy sessions with her. she felt we were at a point in our relationship where I could handle dealing with issues concerning boundaries, setting them, honoring them and following through with them. what better way for a client to learn about boundaries than by example. She also knew enough about me now that enabled her to set appropriate boundaries.. I was sexually abused as a child, sexual abuse during childhood sometimes leaves a person hungering fur love and attention in the wrong ways from the wrong people, I had DID, child alters usually want and expect inappropriate things and behaviors like expecting/wanting their therapist to take care of them, be their new mother. Some of my alters drank and did other inappropriate things, her job as my therapist is to help me find ways to correct my problems not condone, accept and not address those inappropriate things like drinking, suicide and other inappropriate behaviors. She also knew I was a lesbian. I'm a woman and shes a woman, I didnt have to tell her I found her attractive. my attitude, body language... all told her I could easily fall in love with her. she wanted to make it clear what our relationship was, is going to be and will always be, before the issue needed to be addressed by her having to refer me to someone else later on down the road after I had fallen in love with her. hindsight is everything in our therapy sessions. she wouldnt be doing her job if she didn't keep in mind where I'm at today and use that to keep a lookout for any possible future problems. all things considered I feel she did the right thing. All her reasons were valid ones.

Im not going to post all the stuff about whether she was wrong, was too harsh, maybe you need someone new and all that stuff that normally and understandably that others have posted. short and sweet its not my place to criticize you or your treatment providers. each of us knows what is right or wrong based on our own needs wants and the rules/guidelines for our location, that of the agencies where we recieve treatment. some people need, want and like to have therapists that just tell them what they want to hear, others need, want and like treatment providers that are strick and firm boundaries and others are somewhere in the middle.

you and your treatment providers are the only ones that should say whether your relationship, and what goes on between you and them is out of line, too harsh for you.

Talk with your treatment provider. there may be things that right now you are not seeing, about your problems, and mental disorders that pointed her to having the boundaries talk with you. only she can tell you why she set such firm boundaries, told them to you the way she did and only you and your treatment provider can decide whether she was out of line, too harsh, made a wrong move.