inally Posted by Sannah
Very good!! We can't get better at something unless we try. Part of our learning something is being okay with trying it and not being perfect at it. Getting reciprocal stuff out of people requires choosing the right people. You can't get good stuff out of unhealthy people. You must choose healthy people. When we come from dysfunctional homes, however, healthy people can scare us quite a bit because they can see us, really see us. Unhealthy people, like our dysfunctional families, can't see us so we can hide ourselves and our low self esteem. When you have low self esteem you really don't want to be seen. Healthy people really see us and we feel really uncomfortable because we feel so bad about ourselves. We have to move forward, however, and feel the discomfort and be around the healthy people and work on our self worth. I had to work past all of this and it was really worth it. Working on this with your T is really important.
I don't know how "healthy" he is considering I know more about him then most people should about their t's. All I can say is that I'll try the best I can. We'll see what happens after our next meeting.

This really spoke volumes to me, Sannah's post here is one the best I have read in PC, if THE best.

I struggle with PTSD and that makes me feel like I want to isolate from other people alot. I can also relate to your struggle in finding the courage to talk about your deep needs. I hid my deep concerns for many years, was afraid of what others would think of me. Even when I finally talked about it, I didn't want to keep talking about it and I was even sorry that I HAD talked about it. I have finally gotten a chance to talk about it more with my current therapist and I did (after erasing it many times) talk about it here. It was a little easier here because I am anonymous, but I did struggle. I am better at talking about it now, mainly because I have talked with others that share similar secrets and struggles.

What I have learned most of all is that now that I have finally talked about some of my deep struggles, surprisingly my therapist has come back with some very good answers that made it more comfortable for me to talk more about it and finally feel it was ok. And I am finally getting to the part where I am learning about the whys of the experience but also the whys of how I have trouble discussing it. And that is where you need to get to. Whatever it is that you are hiding and very embarassed about, believe it or not, your therapist has heard worse and is actually trained to help guide people with some very troubling issues and concerns. That is the part that you need to get to with your therapist, you need to get beyond the person your sitting in front of to the person who is "trained" to HELP you, not sit and judge you like a regular Joe off the street.

I take time to reach out to others and I honestly feel for them because I am very familiar with the pain they speak of, yearning for help yet hesitating to ask too.

You CAN get to the next step, you have to get past the man/woman and to the man/woman who is specially trained to help you. Remember that. You know more about him than the average person, what do you know? Did you ever think he may have talked about himself more to you to help you feel more comfortable with him, he just might be trying to gain your trust. However, that seems to bother you, can you talk about something he may have told you that might be hindering your trust?

((((HUGS))))

Open Eyes