Im so sorry you've had to battle with this for so long - and without much help i gather either. Have you been diagnosed with any mental health problems? Remember you don't have to be mentally ill to experience mental illness. There may however be something at the bottom of your self harming behaviour so i would definately go and get assessed and if you already know whats wrong you might want to ask for a review of the situation? on the other hand you may have no other recognisable health problems and have simply come to rely on this method as a means of coping - its not wrong, as you said, its the only way your managing to deal with some very overpowering emotions and now that you recognise the problem is getting worse you've found the courage to open up about it and hopefully from here you will try and get some help. Perhaps you could keep a diary of all the feelings leading up to you harming? you might then be able to recognise a pattern and start thinking about what might help you avert your attention when things get tough. In the meantime i would keep talking on here whenever you need to and perhaps check out the threads listing a load of methods you could use to substitute your current harming techniques or at the very least make the experience less harmful. Message me if you need to talk. Good luck hun