I remember telling my current T when I first started with him, that I wanted my "default state" to be happy. He was like, well nobody's happy all the time, you have bills, you have work, you have car problems, you have this, you have that - I was like, yeah, but you can DEAL with that stuff, those are just annoyances? I just don't want to wake up feeling horrible and sad and struggling every day - I want my baseline mood NOT to be dread. I think we finally got there. It's set a little higher than low-low-low, anyway. all I have to do is stay away from my entire family, that's all. that's all. kinda sux, but the alternative is worse. but that's the role they put me in, for whatever reasons - ignorance, envy, prejudice, chauvinism, other of the 7 deadly sins. Oh well. but we're happy now, right? getting there.