Hello,
I completely understand where you are coming from. Even with people that I feel safe with (which are not very many) I can feel completely disconnected and seperate. It is like standing on the edge of a lake and wanting to go in but not being able to put in the effort to swim out to people. It is the most frustrating thing in the world for me to deal with.
I do not know if it helps to know that you are not alone but you are not.

Stay strong,
jessica