hi, hartbroken - have you seen a counselor about this? intimacy avoidance is an issue created by prior trauma - which you allude to. please see a T about it as soon as possible. both you and your girlfriend have needs. one of your needs is to have the trauma resolved. one of her needs is sexual in nature, which is, an important part of maintaining a relationship. find out what her other relationship needs are so that you continue working on the relationship while you sort out your problems regarding sexuality. all the best to you.