Just wanted to say that it is still a struggle daily at times working through the pain and abuse that happened. I and those within still have nightmares and still feel the need to and do SI and hurt. Now that I am an adult and out of that place I have completely cut off ties with family. I am still running from them and trying to find me for I was lost in it all.

I still saw things in my siblings that were and are from the abuse even though they are in denial and will not talk about it or seek help. For myself and those within it is hard to work through it all. My abuse started long before I was made to go to my dad and step-mother, by then I was used to the abuse and knew that I was not worth anything at all. Still today I am terrified of family and still live in fear and abuse from them.

Even moving far away has not stopped them or their finding me. Yes, I have gotten away and am working to grow stronger with each day that passes. It is not easy and somedays it is almost impossible. But taking it one step, one minute, often one second at a time is all we can do. I still remember like it was yesterday and at times it feels like we are still right there unable to get away, but we are working hard in therapy to find ourselves and to heal.

I can only tell you that I know what it is like to be in that situation. The times we hurt just to make it through the night to another day because the pain caused from hurting helped us to have something else to focus on when the name calling, hitting, yelling, and constant interigations of why we wanted to see that side of the family when they did not love us or care kept us awake all night terrified and feeling so worthless and unwanted.

I believe that healing is possible and that it is something I am working to get to but there is still a long ways to go. And I believe that it is possible for others to heal and move forward too. Just know that you are not alone and that you are cared about. We do hear you and we are here for you. I hope that you will keep posting and reaching out, hold on to your mother and her caring and getting you help, and talk as openly as you can to your therapist about how you feel, what is going on, and what it is doing to you.

Stand by your brother and help him to now that he can reach out for help too. My heart goes out to you and your brother and I pray for you to continue to find the help you need and deserve. Just know that we are listening and here for you. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps