<font color="#00088">I suppose I must have jumped on here at the right time... It appears that we're all 'cycling' at the same rates - to an extent maybe? Any agreement out there

... And yes, these 'lows' are just HORRIBLE... I'm now going into a low, after a week-long battle with the 'high'... I destroyed my laptop the other night, in my sleep, and didn't know it.... I'm basically on 24/7 watch with my partner and whomever else comes in this house... It's BS that I have to be watched like a little kid, but i can understand why......

Hell I'm probably looked at as "Stable Mable" who is going to end up with a knife over someone's head as they wake up... That is my greatest fear and to ensure it doesn't happen, they've put an alarm on my door so if I DO get up during the night and do not know it, it will wake up the whole house.....

It went off this AM at around 2:30 AM and NEVER woke me up - but they did when I was fighting them to get back into my bed... I thought they were my good ol' 'head friends' and did not realize they were the people I lived with... My BP crosses with several disorders, and this new cocktail I'm taking is apparently NOT the answer.....

But as we know, more than 5 minutes with the P-Doc is considered a luxury!!! All I do is wait until the next appt's... all I do, all I know, all I live for......

If this is what I'm in store for the rest of my life, this is hardly worth it - period... At age 28, I don't even want to see age 29.... I don't care anymore bcuz I am SICK - very SICK of all of this... And I am not alone with respect to having to fight the social security system... I haven't got the denial yet, but I'm not too positive about getting it.... So much paperwork and so much red-tape.... It overwhelms me/us and just adds to the whole BS situation.....

Well, I'm just a "debbie downer' today and time for me to shut up..... I apologize to all of ya... I'll ensure I keep my mouth shut (or fingers tied up) the next time I decide to just let the words flow onto the screen..... I do have ya'll in my thoughts/prayers.... and I do thank u for listening to this......

~Niko </font>