Hey, all. Again. I've gotten a little concerned with something. My self-hate and anguish started turning into something a little more tangible. I acquired a razor, however, I have not done anything with it yet. Since I got it, I have at times sat there with it when I'm really upset... just kind of looking at it, feeling the steel on my fingers, then after a while deciding "Someday... but not today." I think I always put it down because I grew up with aichmophobia, which has since been mostly disintegrated into specifically trypanophobia. But merely holding the blade in my hand is still enough of an emotion rush to forget mostly about what was bothering me. I'm still afraid that someday, I'll get over that after my current "scare therapy" wears out, and I will actually use it. Especially since the most recent time I did this, I was feeling the best I have been in over a year, but I merely got really upset over a poster contest. After a while, I also resorted to something I do instead of cutting: Hitting myself in the head. Enough to get my anger out, and enough to make me dizzy, so I also forget what I was upset about in the end.

Another thing I was thinking about is how one always hears everywhere that "Cutting is bad", "Don't give in to the temptation" and such. What I was wondering is, why? What are the risk factors of cutting? Knowing this might further keep me from resorting to it.