At least I'm starting to lose the saddest part, every night,before spring, my brain would just fixate on seeing him as he was dieing at the hospital,needed a trach, cause oxygen no longer helped so at that point he no longer was able to eat(and he was so hungry and thirsty)feeding tube was used. Only communication was through writing on a clip board,but it wasn't too long before he grew so sad and angry and stopped,plus his hands were being restrained when no one was in the room to prevent him from pulling all the various IV's and trying to pull out the trach tube.
All this had haunted my mind everynite since 2002 when I'd put my head down on the pillow to sleep.
My pdoc had first given me ambien starting the day of his death, then ativan replaced the ambien, that stuff works but day after I'm a zombie, I just want to sleep the way I could yrs ago,no sleeping aides, just good old fashioned tired.
I miss him so much.

Roe