This is my first post here, so I thought I should probably address my most prominent problem, I guess...

I don't really know where to start, but...

I've been dealing with Mysophobia (more commonly known as "Germaphobia,") for two years. I honestly don't know what triggered it, and I don't know if I want to or not. One day, I was my normal self - then the next, I was coating everything with Lysol.

I mean, the first couple of months were horrible because I didn't know what I was doing. Then I guess I got "smarter" about keeping everything sanitary. (I started researching, which was a bad idea on my part.)
I would only wash my hands when I needed to (after using the bathroom, before eating, after chores, etc.) That only lasted for less than a year.

Now, I find myself compulsively washing my hands. I have to wash my hands 3 times in order to make a damn sandwich. My hands are horribly damaged from all the hand washing I've done.
I don't touch my face - and I don't let people stand too close to me. I can't stand going to restaurants, or (obviously) using public bathrooms. Going to school - or in any public place is a hassle for me. And when someone is sick, I do whatever I can to avoid them & the air they breathe. (Pun intended.) & the anxiety that comes along with it? It's just ridiculous.

I know that getting sick is inevitable, yet I continue being controlled by my fear. I try to hold back at times, but then I get anxious - and I hate anxiety attacks - so I let my fear win.

Plus, no one in my family is trying to help me - even when I ask for it. They don't take me seriously - they just poke fun at me for it & call me a nut-case. I embarrass my dad when we go out places (I try to tag along so I don't feel guilty later.) And he always points out how damaged & ugly my hands look, & it makes me feel ashamed. I don't go to school anymore, so the school counselor isn't an option for me. I honestly don't know what it's gonna take for me to get help.

I live in fear of illness, for reasons unknown, every minute of my waking life, and I'm tired of living this way.

I just don't know what to do.