12 bars, i believe you have the mental obsession and compulsion to use. that's what you are battling, imo. it is what some of us did best. the thought, then the action. always expecting different results. it was a vicious cycle for us. then, like me, throw in the bipolar...thus self medicating. it took what it took, spiraling down, out of control with my dx/bipolar and alcoholism and drug addiction before i succumbed to the fact i needed to treat all if wanted to live. by then i'd lost the desire to live. getting immediate treatment for both at the same time gave me better odds at getting well.
i committed myself and got the bipolar regulated. i attended AA mtgs. available at the same facility. then the most important choice i had to make...lose life as i wanted it or apply my efforts towards getting well with both dx'es, alcoholism and bipolar. upon release i regularly went to therapy, took my meds responsibly and used a 12 step program of recovery to "treat" my alcoholism. so it was a dual process/goal. i doubt i would have gotten well had i not done both simultaneously.
the decision needs to come from you. it's not easy to admit complete defeat. it's not easy to put down the drug. it's easier to run towards it. the end result is always the same-hopelessness, helplessness, loss of family, loss of job, etc. what a huge price we pay!!!
it's like the saying, "we stood at the turning point". now which path will you choose? that is when you can make the decision.
glad you posted. i wish you well. we're always here for you.