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Jan 29, 2012, 04:46 PM
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Member Since: May 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 1,309
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Thank you for your reply.
It seems this week I've been doing better with it but after a comment made by a photographer and after stepping on the scales this morning, I fear it's not going to last long.
A friend last week said she was glad to see me eat the first proper meal she'd seen me eat all week because I'd been eating only salads and fruit all week - she said she'd started to get worried.. I just said I'm being healthy, which I'm trying to do but it seems I'm not really. I'm stuffing in 4 fruits a day along with 7 different types of salad/vegetables. I can't help it, it just makes me feel cleansed in some way, somewhat healthier. It doesn't appear to have affected my brain or anything *yet* it's just made me quite tired. I can still keep up with training and such.
I don't like people worrying about me, but I also really don't like feeling as fat as I did last week. I felt awful, so I just covered it up as much as I possibly could. Then at work there was a discussion about eating disorders where one of the girls made a throw away comment which really got to me, so I sat there and just looked across at my friend, with raised eyebrows. She said that I should've stood up and told her that she was basically sl*gging ME off by *****ing about all the women out there with EDs, but I didn't. I just kept quiet, said nothing and let it continue to get to me. No idea why. Maybe because I feel like a fake a lot of the time, I really do.
It seems at the moment that they gym is my stress outlet which yes, I know can be dangerous with someone like me, but it seems to be the only thing that stops me getting so down about myself. I feel like a fat, lazy, disgusting frump right now and until I go to the gym I will continue to feel like that.
Eurgh, what a week 
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