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From yesterday to today, I have improved significantly. I try to figure out how I manage to get somewhat better. I do believe the Neurontin (Gabapentine) is doing something good for me. In addition, the mental bad weather just seems to clear eventually. I don't feel as scared today as I did yesterday. I think the medicine kind of did it. Hard to be sure.
hankster - thanks for the affirmation. The funny thing is that I had a substantial history of solid success in employment situations before the failures started occurring. I did invest in "friends" whose values I did not share, and I did follow them into job situations that, perhaps, were not the best fit for who I am. Handling the chaos was easier when I was younger. I would emerge from a bad situation into a far better situation. An experience of failure would often lead to an experience of success. I would leave what wasn't working out for something else that often did work out well for a decent interval of time.
I feel like the referee is counting and soon will say "TEN" and I can't quite get up.
But today the prospective job doesn't seem so scary. (Is this the Neurontin?)
I feel better staying in my own apartment and not being with other people who really don't have a good influence on my state of mind. I bought a caller ID box so I can see who's calling before I pick up the land line.
I'm home and have a sense of "peace." Maybe I can build on that. Some professional psycho-therapeutic support would be a help. I was promised something like that, and, then, it just didn't happen. Now I get told - "Oh, there is an 8 month wait for therapy."
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