Background- My husband and I have been married 7 years and have 3 kids. Early on we abused oxy and alcohol almost daily for 2+ years, then our supply went away (we were given it free, we've never bought it). Also no snorting or shooting, just swallowed it down....not that that really matters but just FYI. We still drink daily, usually 3 beers or glasses of wine a night on weeknights and more on weekends. We have gotten the occasional bottle of vic's once or twice a year also but not daily and not oxy's. My husband is a driver, a while back the woman that loaded his truck would offer him adderral, morphine, oxy's, etc- DAILY. She stopped loading his truck for a year or so but is now back on. I have changed my tune about the pills, the thought of doing them makes me feel gross I don't know how I ever did it. My husband STILL asks me multiple times a week if he can have one or if I would like for him to bring some home...NO! When I say no he always has some comment like "when did you get all high and mighty?".Not to mention the fact that he could lose his job and he is the sole provider of 5! He makes good money, we have a home, cars, etc and that would all be gone if he got caught or had a dirty UA.
I have tried several times throughout our marriage to quit drinking, this has been extremely difficult for me. EVERY NIGHT that I wouldn't drink he would encourage me to just have one, even after i begged him to not bring it up. "One isn't bad" he would say to me "just slow down, you don't have to quit", Actually I DO!!!! But he has never supported me. It's hard enough trying to get through those tough moments and to have someone trying to talk you into it makes it that much harder.
He has anger issues (never physically abusive) and is lame to be around. The kids are starting to comment on his constantly being a jerk and his mood swings. I feel like I have to be a buffer between him and them. I have lost respect for him and don't even really enjoy his company. I want a divorce but am so afraid of hurting the kids and not being able to do it financially. I just don't know what to do and needed to vent. I need advice, I'm so confused...