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Jan 30, 2012, 02:47 PM
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Member Since: May 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 1,309
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My week's getting more and more difficult by the hour. Today my food intake has been very, very low. Just a handful of chicken and some fruit and a bit of veg, nothing else has gone in. I've just not felt like it in all honesty, I've just not wanted to face food..
Everyone knows things are bad when Kirsten starts to struggle with food, when she starts to cut out carbs, sugar and anything that could have an ounce of fat in... But everyone thinks little Miss TPND can just get over it. It gets harder every single time but no-one seems so bothered about that, everyone seems to think I'm in a little bubble that they can just pull me in and out of whenever they want/need me. It's frustrating because yes, I am in my own little bubble but more often than not, it's a bubble of depression, starvation and general misery, a bubble of bad memories that I only want to get rid of.
I had a few dreams last night. One, I found an old favourite jumper and it was like brand new, so I wore it all the time. The second one, I found a yellow and black vase that had broken. The top had chipped, a massive chunk had been chipped off the top and on the opposite side on the bottom, the same had happened. Leaning against it also broken, was a glass statue of a (I think?) cat, that had caused this vase to break as it fell off a surface..
The last was one I really didn't want to have, one I couldn't stop thinking about. It was a dream about the person who attacked me, coming back to get me like he said he would. Sneaking into my room at night, following me on the street, hiding at work and following me there. Eurgh. Now I can't shake the fear. I smile and laugh at work but inside, the anxiety leaves me tired and falling asleep by lunch time. It's awful 
I'm so afraid at the moment and I know I'm slipping really badly and crashing, but I can't seem to save myself anymore.
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