so.... lamictal is not for me I guess... I have been rapid cycling with worse downs for the past 3 weeks or so--(well IDK cuz my Therapist said I sounded manic with some things- but I bipolar2) but like since they upped it-- even when I posted this... Like the following Saturday I was doing some "bad things" in the bath room.. I told my Therapist about it today, and of the other things prior to this post.. she said that since seeing me since August 11 she had not seen this side of me and that it was not idealization that i was doing.. I told her I was not sure for I have done this in the past with out drugs.

I do find this scary for -- I kept saying I have been worse and I am not sure if it is the drug, but my therapist thinks it is, and had me talk to the nurse, who discussed some things with the pdoc; and they want me to stop it. So will do---

I am glad it works for some...

The nurse was humorous for me-- she mentioned "yeah you may feel like Guinea-pig but just some drugs don't work with some people. and we don't know till we try".. she also suggested some vitamins to take either with or with out medication that may help... she also said if I find my whole "dealing with Bipolar with no meds and all" to let her know for she too has some stuff to sort out

I guess to be honest, this conversation is like why my Therapist talks about being stable. and like I think she wonders about me some times with that..... Like I was about balling in her office telling her stuff, that I did not want to talk about, and that I did not like sharing, but felt it was the right thing to do per my gut feeling... then I go and talk to a stranger about similar topics- or the same topic-- but I act like no problem, I am not that bad, that I am ok and joke around with it all.....

but will see... I see pdoc in mid Feb. dunno if she will try something else.

thanks all again just thought I would give an update