I'm seeing my T in a hour and a half. I wont see her again for another two months. There is a chance I will never see her again - a slight chance, but one I can't ignore.

My biggest regret with my mother is that I let her die withour saying I loved her.

Last year I did some excellent work preparing for the possibility she [my T] might die. I told her how I felt about her, and I thought I'd covered everything of importance. I was at peace. Nothing to regret.

Recently I've been running a thread here about the "blank slate" and how angry I used to be and the power struggles that arose from that. I thought it was all in the past.

But it isn't. The blank slate still haunts me today. If T were to die I could say I loved her and I told her so. But I never knew her.

And I never will.