willow, i can relate to you SO MUCH! I've been struggling with this same issue for years in therapy. i think i had a "normal" childhood; no abuse or anything horrible going on in my family. my parents were very young when they had me, and i was a preemie (4 mos early)...but thats about it. i know they love(d) me.

i have maybe 3 or 4 memories from the ages 4-8. 5th grade is when they start getting more regular. What i do find interesting is that my memories seem to solidify when I moved in 5th grade--to the house we stayed in through college. We moved a lot when I was younger. But still, this drives me crazy! I HATE not really having many memories from my childhood. My mom and dad both say that they don't remember a lot from theirs, so maybe it is genetic?

My T once told me that if my childhood was all warm and fuzzy, that i would remember that. That children will hold onto that. I don't know. Someone also has asked me "Well if you don't remember, how do you know it was normal?" Because the things I do remember ARE normal. And I don't question if my parents abused me or anything like that.

What I constantly want to do is poll everybody I come in contact with. So, when does your first memory begin? Do you have a general sense of being happy or not in your early years? Do you only have a handful of memories from those years? Because I can't tell if what I remember is just within the range of peoples ability to recall childhood memories.

I once told my therapist when I got a new job where I get to take care of babies/toddlers all day that it fascinates me to see how much small children need. Human contact, reassurance, smiles, love. And for some reason I can't imagine that I received that as a small child, but then I think that is sort of ridiculous. OF COURSE my parents held me. I know they didn't just leave me lying in a crib all day. I mean I have photographic evidence of quite the contrary. I have a wonderful extended family that I know is very loving, so clearly this isn't true.

I could go on and on...I wish I had answers, I truly do.