I had a good upbringing with great parents and many warm & happy memories. However, I was shy and lonely, and my mother had a drinking problem which she began to enter treatment for when I was 9. (it took her a few attempts.) This created a lot of embarrassment for me personally and led to most of my current problems as a 30 year old. I have only begun to discuss this with T in the past year, and T suggested exploring the anger I have surrounding this. I was a little surprised because I didn't think I was angry with my mother since she had changed her life and had been sober for almost 20 years. It was difficult for me to admit that I actually was angry with Mom, because she really was (and is) a fantastic mother and the most important person in my life. But I did, in 11 or 12 pages which I wrote for therapy. I had a few secrets tucked away way down inside, and they stayed there because I was ashamed. I had never spoken of them at all, not even with T because I just didn't want to go there. (this mostly had to do with people trying to "butt in" and help us out when my mom was away getting treatment). It's funny what lengths the mind will go to in order to save oneself from dealing with something unpleasant.

I also wrote a much longer bit on why I have so many hangups about sex, intimacy, getting close to people, and even just hugging. Why I, as an adult woman, cannot form ADULT romantic relationships. I've racked my brain for years and years trying to think of anything at all that may have happened—abuse, molestation without knowing it, inappropriate behavior towards me from adults, and I couldn't think of anything. It's quite frustrating.